It Is Happening!!

It really is happening.  We are feeling like a FAMILY of 4! 

Did you know that God places the lonely in families?

Did you know that when He does that, He is faithful to help that family feel like a FAMILY?!

Well, it is true!  What has happened here over the past 8.5 months is remarkable, especially the past month!  Miracles are happening here in my family!

As L2 would say, "Thank you Jesus!"

(Although after the paperwork, wait and adjustment, I feel like I carried and gave birth to an elephant!  Believe it or not, God has been dealing with my issues as much as, if not more than, L2's issues! 

You know, stuff like pride, control, selfishness, anger, grief, attempting to self-protect and isolate,... 

Yes, we have all learned a lot!!) 

School Picture Day

L1 has been telling me that we needed a School Picture Day.  So here are my Star Students...

Introducing my First Grader (Almost Second Grader)

Introducing my Pre-K Student (almost Kindergartner) 

My 2011-2012 Class

Don't they look sharp? 

And what happened to my little girl???  She has grown up years and years just since Christmas?!

THANK YOU JESUS again and again!

So tonight at dinner we had vegetable soup.  Definitely not one of L2's favorites but it is what we had in the pantry therefore it is what we had for dinner.

So when he first sat down, he asked me if I knew about Daddy saying that if you don't eat something for dinner, you might see it again for breakfast.  I said that yes I knew about that.

He immediately starting eating that soup, every single bite, like it was a hot fudge sundae!!!  And once again he proclaimed, "THANK YOU JESUS for this delicious soup!"

Then I accidentally knocked over a cup of water.  L2 looked at me and said, "Well, Dad would say that you shouldn't do that but I will forgive you."

This kid is a crack up!

Right now the kids are outside with spray bottles full of water.  Watering plants and washing bikes!  Not to mention that spraying the water bottle helps L2's fine motor skills.  This has kept them busy for over an hour!

And my house is clean, squeaky clean.  I may have to urinate in the backyard.  Certainly the boys of the house will never be able to pee in the commode again!  :-)

Live In House Keeper

Is it wrong to stop buying groceries in order to pay for a live in house keeper?

I mean, do we really need to eat? 

I'm just askin.......

Good Times

Things have been improving around here.  It has only taken a few days for L2 to understand that when he gets in trouble or won't eat his food, etc, that he gets no attention from the rest of us and that in fact, he misses out on fun!  We have been intentional about this and it has improved his behavior more than anything we have tried.  He did refuse to eat one meal.  I told him that he wasn't getting anything else until the next meal if he didn't eat.  He chose not to eat but then began asking for a snack almost immediately afterwards.  He cried and cried.  BUT LO AND BEHOLD, at the next meal (and every meal since) he has eaten like a champ!!!  He even eats happily and proclaims that the food is delicious!  :-)  It only took one meal for him to get this!  I am SO glad we did this instead of giving him mac and cheese for every meal!!!

AND...  ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?!?!  Today L2 didn't go to time out one time all day!!!!!!!!!!  This is the first time in 8 months that he didn't have to have some kind of consequence through out the day!!!!!!!!  I actually didn't realize it until bedtime!  I said, "Oh my goodness!  You didn't have to go to timeout all day today!"  He responded by throwing both hands in the air and yelling, "THANK YOU JESUS!"  We have been praying together each night, L2 and I, on our knees by his bed, asking God to help him trust us, obey us, and for him to let us love him!  And I have been going in his room after he goes to sleep and getting on my knees and begging God to let me love this child and to be able to see his amazingly adorable cuteness again.  (One tends to get desperate after complete break downs!  :-))  God is hearing our cries for help!!!!!!!!  THANK YOU JESUS!

This weekend has been so wonderful!  All day Friday and Saturday I attended a huge Home school Fair.  I even got to spend the night in a hotel all by myself on Friday night!  It was SWEET!  When I got home, I was welcomed with balloons, cupcakes, a chair of honor and decorations for Mother's Day!  This was all orchestrated by Miss L1!  She had a clip board with a timeline of when everything had to be done before I got home!  For ex. at 12:30 they decorated.  At 1:00, they bought the balloons, etc  SO PRECIOUS!  I have trained her well on how to throw a home party!  :-)  Then Sunday we went to a lake nearby my in-law's.  We fished, rode horses and went canoing!  It was great to see L1 ride her own horse!  This helped her feel "big" and confident!  L2 rode with me.  I hung on to him the whole time.  He kept trying to look under the horse while we were riding!  No canoe pictures!  I left the camera in the car as I was sure we would tip over.  We actually did not tip over!  And we were in the canoe for one hour!! My in-law's were out of town and we decided to play it by ear to see if we would spend the night, depending on how L2 was doing.  He did great!  We spent the night.  He slept in a bed all by himself all night long!  He has only been there one other time (but clearly doesn't remember being there, it was a while back).  When we walked in, he ran down the hall and said, "Oh my goodness, they have beds here!"  Then he asked me if they had a laundry room to wash clothes.  I took him through the kitchen to see the laundry room.  On the way he stopped and asked my if this was where Gran cooks.  I continue to be amazed at how little he has experienced in his little life! 

I am so thankful that I can once again tell you that I truly think my little boy is so cute! and funny!  and lovable!  This has proven to be one of the hardest thing I have ever been through.  But God is showing up and meeting us in our time of need!  AND THE CLEANING LADIES WILL BE HERE AT 9:30 IN THE MORNING!  Can you tell I am smiling as I type?!  I have never paid anyone to clean my house before!  I can't wait!!

Real Housewife with Adopted Children

I have been thinking that we could be the stars of a new reality tv show!  We have been CRAZY here lately!  I reached my breaking point last week!  Yes I did!  I actually told my husband that L2 could not live here any more.  We called our Social Worker at 9 pm.  It became very clear to me that I had fallen off the kookoo wagon!  This all happened the night before J left town, of course.  Bless his heart!  He went to the Summit Adoption Conference in CA.  So while I was at home planning how I was going to either leave FOREVER with my daughter and everything we could fit into my car OR we would be praying for another Christian family to come get L2 and all his belongings, J was hearing about the 163 million orphans in the world that need homes, complete with Praise and Worship with Steven Curtis Chapman and Chris Tomlin.  Isn't God something?!

So here is why I CRACKED!  Now I warn you that the following things may or may not seem like revelations to you,  But to me, a miracle has taken place!

Here is the list of hats I have been wearing for the past 8 months:
chef
nutritionist
researcher
pre k teacher
1st grade teacher
housekeeper
accountant
laundry do-er
occupational therapist
speech pathologist
screen time police
behavior specialist
play therapists
part time curriculum coordinator at church
wife
mother
grocery shopper
work out wonder woman

You will not believe this!  There are only 24 hours in a day around these parts!!  Can you believe God would do that when there is so much to get done??

So hubby and I decided that something needed to give!  And fast!

* So next week a cleaning lady is coming (and will continue through the summer).
* I NO LONGER will be researching about adoption, attachment, etc...  When we adopted L1 I knew NOTHING about adoption!  I didn't even know another family with adopted kids!  We relied on our parenting instincts and trusted that God knew what he was doing when he placed her in our home.  We are now doing the same with L2.  The research had made ME neurotic and unsure of my ability to discipline, etc.
*  The kids will be grocery shopping with me during the day now so that I don't have to do that at night anymore!  (We went this morning and amazingly enough, L2 didn't act like a bi-polar, narcissistic, psychotic ax murderer with sensory issues.  He acted like a regular 5 year old boy!)
* I have lost 10 pounds these past few weeks!  Yea!  But NO longer will I be working out twice a day.  Ya know, I am almost 40 and I MIGHT not be able to look 20.  So NO MORE PRESSURE there!  I hope to go for a walk about 3 times a week, not 14 times a week!
* Nutritionist- well, my kids are going to get some healthy foods and sometimes a pizza or chicken nuggets (maybe even while sitting in front of a DVD- GASP!).  I am just willing to bet that they will be approximately just as healthy.  The difference will be that their mom is not a bi-polar, narcissistic, psychotic ax murderer with sensory issues.  This has to be better for everyone involved, huh?

AND on Monday I am going to register sweet boy for Transitional Kindergarten at a nearby church!  He will be going 5 days a week from 9-12 in the fall.  Oh thank you Jesus!  I think he will love getting to play!  I will love getting to be his mommy and not ALL the above mentioned things.  Have I mentioned before that he can be DRAINING???  He is the MASTER MANIPULATOR and can cause our entire home to be "off" at times.  I have said so many times, "He is just so emotionally draining!"  The past few days, I have been giving him NO attention for inappropriate behavior.  This has proven to be amazingly effective.  When he goes to time out, I immediately go into the other room and start singing and having a great time.  He does NOT want to miss one minute of what we are doing.  He IMMEDIATELY stops whining, crying, or whatever.  He starts smiling and says, "I am ready to be happy now!"  I have been so focused on meeting his needs, his EVERY need, that he truly was acting like a narcissist.  After never having his needs met, my trying to meet ALL his needs ALL the time was creating an unbearable monster!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  One that I didn't like!  :-( 

We also have written down some other non-negotiables.  Like date nights, etc...  And two other changes that are not public knowledge yet...  I am just giddy!

And we were referred to a specialist, the "best" they said.  This dr can test your neurotransmitter levels and prescribe supplements, etc..  Well, their initial fee is $3000 and each weekly visit is $320.  ENOUGH IS ENOUGH people!  We will not be going to this dr.  We will be praying every day for L2's complete healing from God and that the kind of parents we are is what L2 needs!  And that includes fast food from time to time and a good ol' fashioned spanking here and there when warranted. 

Amen and Amen.

P.S. A special thank you to all the people that surrounded me these past few days with love and support!  Thank you for the late night calls, texts, emails, prayers and in person visits!  God used each of you to save me from DROWNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Letter To My Boy

Dear L2,

My sweet boy.  I want you to know tonight that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.  God's thoughts of you outnumber the grains of sand.  He knows how many hairs are on your head.

You were not/are not an accident!  God himself knit you together.  He has plans for your life.  Plans not to harm you, but to give you a hope and future.

Tonight I promise to you and to God that I will search my soul for love for you.  God loves you with an everlasting love.  Nothing you can ever do or say or feel could separate you from that love. 

Our 8 months together have been 8 of the toughest months of my life.  Your emotional needs have just about broken me.  Tonight I want you to know how sorry I am that your life has been such that you have those needs.  I am sorry for all you have been through.

I want to be a part of your healing if God will allow me the privilege.  And what a privilege it will be some sweet day when you are more whole than you are right now.  More secure knowing that you are loved.  God delights in you!  I know you can't fathom that right now.  But my promise to you is to tell you that every single day from here on that God allows me to spend with you.  Baby, God delights in you. 

And your mommy delights in you too.

Together, with the love and grace of God, we are going to make it.  We will make it to the Finish Line.  Let's do this!

I love you,
Mommy